Losing Everything
by Dark Shadows 01
Summary: A series of one-shots of the remaining Normandy's crew and maybe a few others as they deal with the initial loss of their beloved Commander Shepard. This has a FemShep/Liara pairing but I think each character loved Shepard in their own way.
1. Garrus

**Losing Everything**

This fic is just based on the remaining _Normandy_ crew members and maybe a few other characters after the war and how they feel towards the loss of their beloved Commander Shepard. This will ultimately be a FemShep/Liara fic but to me, everyone loved Shepard in their own way.

I own nothing I just want to share the emotional journal that this amazing game has put me through. Please enjoy and drop a review if you like.

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**Garrus**

Crackling fires, crumbling buildings and cheering soldiers, those were the sights and sounds that greeted us as we finally managed to repair the _Normandy _long enough to make it back to Earth, to London. Dare I say it, but the fires and destruction were more welcomed than the cheering soldiers: Asari, Salarians, Turians, Krogans and Humans yelled our praise in the midst of reconstruction as we disembarked the _Normandy_.

Without you.

However these past four years have hardened Liara, Tali and I so it was no surprise when we continued through the crowds to the only spot that mattered, our faces remained passive, allowing our senses to soak in the scale of what had happened at what Javik called: our last stand.

But as we left the noise of the crowds and approached the enormous crater left by the beam that connected to the then closed Citadel; I recalled our last moments together. Running. That's all I had to do, get to the beam with you so that we could end this, together. Shepard and Vakarian. But you were always just ahead of us, out of reach, completely focussed on the goal.

I always loved that about you, your galaxy bending determination to get everything that was necessary completed so that you could give a few more people the chance of survival, even when no one would listen. But I always listened; I hated C-Sec for all its red tape and restrictions minimalising any chance of doing anything good for the people it swore to protect. So when the galaxy's first Human Spectre came along, looking to shut down Saren, the Turian bastard. I couldn't help but be drawn to your cause, you were above the rules, and no one told you what to do. Hell, I remember laughing when you told me you hung up on the Council!

However, unlike Saren you didn't go rogue or power hungry, you directed your new found status to protecting this galaxy in every possible way. Even though there were many times I didn't think they deserved it. I kicked aside a small rock, watching it bounce off of the scarred land. The sun was sitting lazily in the sky, illuminating everything, there was nowhere to hide from the magnitude of the destruction though arguably for Liara and I, Palaven and Thessia had the same wounds. Yet here was the mark of a war, your war Shepard.

As we neared the centre of the creator I felt Liara and Tali hang back so I could...so I could do what exactly? Take stock of what had happened? Before we entered the fighting I told you to kick back these metal monstrosities into whatever dark hole of the galaxy they had crawled out of and that's exactly what you did Shepard.

I dropped onto one knee and scratched at the ground,

"I'll always have your back..." I heard you whisper and I closed my eyes as a flare of guilt and sorrow hit me.

"I know," I replied meekly to my memory, my talons visibly shaking now, but Shepard did I truly ever have yours? I mean it was right here! I pounded the ground and growled as the hot tears stabbed at my eyes. We were running, the earth shaking drones of the Reapers firing from above. The red stream of energy cutting into a Mako, flipping it backwards, towards us. You dived and successfully cleared it but Liara and I weren't so lucky, despite throwing ourselves away from the vehicle the explosion of the engine bit into us. Blue and purple added to the puddles of red smeared across the slaughtering ground that was our path. My armour instantly felt a lot heavier but my head several pounds lighter from all the new ways for my blood to escape my body. I see you, you're calling the _Normandy _to get us, no Shepard you can't leave us, you can't leave me behind again!

"I need to know one of us makes it out of here Garrus!" You bark as you drag Liara and I back onto the safety of our ship. The last time you stood on her and the last time I see you but your face, you're smiling knowing that'll we'll be ok and you'll be on your own as you rush away out of my life. My wish to yell at your charging figure that I needed to know if you'd make it died on my lips and I surrendered to the Cargo Hold's doors closing...

The heat of the tears disappeared as I settled into a seated position in the middle of your mark. We had one hell of a ride didn't we Commander? I felt my mandibles, one real one cybernetic twitch into a small smile as my days as Archangel flooded into the forefront of my mind. Even though you always shouted at me to duck, nothing reinforced it more than taking a rocket to the face! I snorted, I was almost as bad as you at getting hit but I never admitted it when Dr Chakwas informed me I had implants fitted that I was kinda excited at the thought. Why? Because it was another thing I could have in common with you. A foolish thought I know but Shepard from all your stories and from being privileged enough to be a member of your crew, your friend. You'd be surprised at how many of us wanted to be just like you, you may have been Humanity's first Spectre but you were a damned hero and an even better friend to everyone, regardless of species.

Hell I bet Tali never told you that the omi-tattoo she got at your party on the Citadel was your name across her ribs just over her heart!

A deep sigh escapes me as I look around the crater again; Liara and Tali have opted to sit as well in their own small part of your vast impression. But I don't want to distract them from their own inner monologues with you so I look up to the sky. I assume you're up there finally taking some R and R, well I hope so because you didn't take enough when you were here...

Shepard there isn't a soul in this galaxy that won't be affected by the choices you made, the battles you fought, the Krogan songs that are being sung and ultimately the war you won. But for me, despite my family and I making it out, this is the spot where I lost my best friend, my Commander and my hero.

This is where I lost everything.


	2. Tali

**Losing Everything**

**Thanks to everyone who at least gave this fic a read, I saw the stats! Here's another update and I hope someone could be nice enough to leave me a review haha. **

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**Tali**

I'm sitting here near Liara and Garrus in this ginormous crater you've left us but that's all you have left us with. I know I shouldn't be angry at you but I am, you couldn't even leave us a piece of your armour? A helmet? Hell I'd even take a blood stain! But no all we get is this big stupid hole on your home planet.

I shake my head, rattling around my emotions even more, I shouldn't be angry at you Keelah. My anger should be for all those bosh'tets you sacrificed yourself for, even when they didn't believe you. Despite bringing them proof, they turned their backs on you and then expected you to win the war so they could live and even then they were reluctant! Shepard I feel like taking my shotgun and personally visiting all the unworthy politicians and giving them a lesson on how painful gunshot wounds are!

Keelah, you're laughing at me aren't you? Or telling me that it would probably look bad if one of the Quarian Admirals suddenly went on a killing spree...although I bet some part of you wants to join me. I sigh, Shepard this wasn't supposed to happen. We were, moisture was pricking at my eyes now, we were supposed to save the galaxy just like old times. Didn't you Humans have a saying? Three time's the charm?

So what happened this time? I know I shouldn't believe that you are invincible but can you blame me? This young Quarian has been spoilt by all the amazing stories of you in and around the _Normandy_. I mean Wrex and I were with you at the final battle with Saren, I _saw_ part of the Citadel land on you! And you still, after some wriggling, maybe lots of wriggling, you surfaced with that beautiful smile still intact, if not a bit bloody.

I _saw _you get spaced when the original _Normandy_ was destroyed but you still turned up, grinning like a fool when we met on Freedom's Progress, albeit two years later. Then there was going through the Omega 4 Relay and I remember listening to Miranda describing how you threw yourself down the collapsing platform to save her with no hesitation! Shepard don't even get me started on everything you've accomplished for this war because they all prove you are the impossible. The invincible. The unbeatable Commander Shepard!

I pull my knees up to my chest and rest my head, allowing the tremors of my sobs overwhelm me for a few moments. Just like you let me back when I found my father's body but only this time you aren't here to pull me into a reassuring and safe embrace.

Keelah you are part of everything in my life...Keelah you are a part of me! I burst out laughing, causing a rare smile to grace Liara's lips as her monologue is disturbed. Shepard I never told you about my omni tattoo that Jack gave me! Or at least I don't think I did...a lot of carefully consumed alcohol happened at that party! But I got a tattoo of your name over my heart why? Because out of anyone I know you have always been the one there for me, whether it was turning up on my missions, helping me kill lots of Geth or shouting at the Admiralty Board in my defence. That was a good day.

There was a thud on the ground and I looked up seeing Garrus's fist imbed itself into the rock. Commander I guess what I'm trying to say is that you've affected us all in ways you'd never imagine, probably because you were always yourself, you loved and trusted us but I don't think we ever seriously told you how much you meant to us. I babbled about linking suits with you but I always regretted not being more persuasive in my account of telling you how much I trusted you and because of that trust I wanted every opportunity to be the friend you wanted me to be or just to be closer to you.

And that's why I got your name as my tattoo, although please don't tell Liara!

There are some more voices I hear at the top of your crater, I guess more people want to come talk to you, share their love with you and I'm glad because you told me once that I deserved better than my father and I did. I got you. But Shepard you were the one who deserved so much more from me, your crew and the galaxy.

You didn't deserve to die for all of us and you definitely didn't deserve to die alone. Keelah I only hope you weren't suffering too much but seeing the size of this dent, it sobers me up thinking only you could have been at the centre of the explosion when the Crucible fired. There was one thing missing from the schematics of the Crucible, the one thing that remained elusive to past cycles. It wasn't the catalyst; it was your life force that was the final component. And it only seems fitting that in this war, your war against the reapers, you were the one to end them. Although the red energy the Crucible emitted affected all synthetics, including the Geth and EDI but Shepard know this: no one will ever blame you for their deaths. If they do I'll introduce the bosh'tet to my shotgun because they never had the honour of following a Captain like you.

The sun is warm on my suit, the only true sunlight I have felt was the brief moment I removed my mask in front of you on Rannoch. Although with all my talk of doing anything to be closer to you it would be a disservice not to remove my mask now. Placing my hand over the purple tinted glass I heard the popping of the security seals and removed my mask allowing my tears to glimmer in your sun.

I scanned the area again with my clear vision; the magnitude of the crater seemed to swallow me as I sat. I sighed as more tears washed down my cheeks. Shepard you were everything to me, you taught me more about myself and the galaxy than the fleet ever could. And it's because of you I am who I am today; I am a young Quarian who lost her best friend, her older sister and her Captain.

Keelah se'lai. This is where I lost everything.


	3. James

**Losing Everything**

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**James**

"Holy hell," I breathe.

"The physical impact of the last feat of the Commander is quite impressive," Javik agrees as he and Joker stand next to me, shoulder to shoulder, at the brink of the crater. I survey the destruction the drawback of the Crucible had on the land and could see three of our squad already deep in the midst of the Commander's mark. The swelling of pain in my chest intensifies as my eyes fell on the Doc's almost rigid form.

"I'm going down there, need a hand Joker?" I ask turning to the downcast pilot.

"No," He hesitates, "I'm going to stay up here, the edge will make it easier to sit." Joker finishes lamely. I furrow my brown but shrug,

"Suit yourself," Javik catches my eye and nods slightly before sliding down into the crater but instead of sitting near our stationary members we walk around a bit further so that Liara, Garrus and Tali are on our right. I spare a look up at Joker, who with some difficulty has seated himself. I didn't know why he didn't come right in with us; maybe I'll ask him but not now because this time is for you...Lola.

We did it; we beat the Reapers and saved Earth. Well you did, we came along trying to help any way we could but I could remember the first time we left this place. I was so angry at having to leave the fight, but hell if I was angry you were downright pissed and I made the stupid mistake of questioning you.

You always had the big picture in mind and you always made me feel small in comparison, why couldn't I see things like you? Why couldn't make the hard calls and why the hell am I still alive and you're not?! Damn it Lola you did everything right, jumped through every loop and even beat my pull up score! So why the hell are you, the Great Commander Shepard, gone?!

Was this how you planned to go down? Did you even think about who you were leaving behind? The _Normandy, _the crew, Doc and me. Shepard why couldn't you have let us fight this one for you? I curled my fists and watch the veins throbs as my arms shake.

"Use that anger, we can rebuild after all this, but don't go losing the fight without throwing your first punch." I puff out the anger in one breath, that's why we couldn't fight in your place, why we could never protect you like you did for us because you simply gave everything.

Lola you gave too much.

When I was out fighting for intel on the Collectors you were flying through the Omega 4 Relay to kick their door down and settle the score for them stealing our colonies...and for killing you. Throughout this war it was you fighting and struggling through every mission, while I was lucky enough to accompany you on a few, those were the times I felt the most useful. Like...like I could physically be there to haul your ass out if things got too hot. But Lola for all the teasing the crew gave you about your dance moves in clubs not one of them will disagree that you love dancing in the fire of battle. And no one can ever say you didn't know how to dance then, I know I joked about being distracted by your body on missions but I wasn't just ogling you (not always) but the way you ducked and dived. Shooting guns, throwing grenades and wielding biotics like nobody's business, you reminded me of home. Not that Spain was a battle field but the hot fire of the sun, the loud laughter of the crowd as dancers paraded in their bright clothes and the closeness of family.

A chuckle escapes me, the closeness of family, hell if families were allowed to throw each other around to teach them a lesson then sure. But you were always there for me Lola whether it was you coming down to the Cargo Hold to upgrade weapons, ask my opinion on missions or for when I wanted to chat privately.

Hell maybe it's my fault you died Lola, I mean you're my second CO to go...I reached up and grasp my dog tags, the metal is cool against my palm. You reluctantly agreed to be my N7 Training Officer but I guess the prospect of teaching me was that bad huh? You had to go die before leaving me any decent advice; no... all this has shown me something. This mission was the complete opposite of mine, where I had been in command and my squad paid for my calls but here? This big hole is the reminder that your calls were always made in the best interests of your squad, even if it seemed like there was no other way, you'd make one. Hell you fell through a fish tank trying to make one!

Lola I never told you how much I admired you, I think I may have alluded to it but I've never out right said you're the most awesome person I had the honour of knowing. When I watched the vids of the Council making you the first Human Spectre, it was the day I looked up to you and that day was the day I promised to get my act together so I could maybe have the chance to meet you. Sitting here amongst your original crew from your Saren days and speaking to those who joined you in the Collector hunt; I will always be jealous of them because they got to work for you so much more. And by the sounds of some of the fights they had to drag you out of a few pinches although it's mostly Garrus and Wrex who say that and I know how much they love to play the hero. Buut I guess they are just trying to be as cool as you.

Movement to the right catches my eye and I watch Garrus rise but only so he can sit closer to Tali, their hands entwining. Truth is Lola, being a soldier is the only thing I've ever been good at and now you've put me out of a job so now what am I supposed to do? I know you said to rebuild but sitting here amidst the destruction, it's hard to imagine this place flourishing again, and it's hard to imagine me flourishing again. I mean I've lost my second CO, my N7 Training Officer and I've lost my Lola, the only role model worth looking up to.

Commander, this is where I lost everything.


	4. Javik

**Losing Everything**

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**Also I will be travelling in the next few days so the frequent updates will lessen but I will try to do my best and every review helps!**

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**Javik**

Commander I am sitting here in this crater you have left next to your crew. The soldier, James he is shaking I can see the pain pulsing through his veins. I do not need my sensory ability to tell me that those who are sitting here and have yet to arrive have all been affected by your departure. But Commander do not feel remorse for us, for you have given us the greatest gift: a galaxy free from the Reapers! I was sealed away so that I may find a way to do this as the Avatar of Vengeance and despite being awoken by such...primitives. I am glad to witness the pride and fortitude of being a soldier has not changed from cycle to yours.

However I do feel something akin to the pain of losing my people whilst sitting here. The memories from the memory shard I passed to you Commander will haunt me but I am regretful that I will not be able to see your entry after all the stories your crew have told me. It seems you have dedicated your life to silencing the Reapers and by leaving no trace of your body; it was the final insult the machines could throw against us. By leaving no physical remnants of you, Commander we, your crew, your soldiers do not have the honour of giving you a proper burial. But this hole will have to do.

The faces of those who sit near me bear the same pain, suffering and weariness, your stories did not come without a price but it seems in this particular instance you have been left to clean up the galaxy's indecision and doubt. Your crew breathe in anger and regret, I can see it clearly but I feel it is directed at themselves for not being more than what we are to save you. I heard a term whilst on the Citadel, before we realised it was to be the focal point of the Reapers' destruction, a Human alliance soldier expressed exasperation to another claiming he was "only Human." I believed this statement was meant to relay that he had flaws and restrictions due to his species. I remember scoffing; it was more like he was signalling his weak will and poor skills in combat. This term, Commander, is not for you. You may have been Human but you were far from it. In my cycle Commander you would have been bestowed the honour of being the Avatar of Bravery, Strength or Courage...maybe you could have been an amalgamation of all three.

Commander I do not think, even you realised the power you had, the power to make those around you bend to your will, not by force but by words, albeit sometimes they were forceful words and I often enjoyed those displays. Nonetheless you differed from all those before you, why? Because you, my dear Commander were worth believing in. I read your files whilst onboard the _Normandy_, I read the numerous medals you were awarded, the feats you had achieved and the death from which you returned.

You believed that the Reapers were coming so much you came back from the dead to make sure this cycle had the chance to fight. Commander if you are not worth believing in then I challenge any primitive to prove me wrong and if by some miracle they do I will kill them. For they know nothing of you and what you gave to ensure this time the Reapers were the ones to feel the pain of those they had harvested, not only in this cycle but those who came before. Commander, as the Avatar of Vengeance I should be angered that you were able to achieve the purpose for which I was locked away for but I find no heart to do so.

Simply being able to fight once more against the enemy that had destroyed my people and to see their destruction is victory enough. Though this victory has come with a heavy price, my eyes flicker towards your Liara, she is steady in her breathing but her eyes have lost the warmth of your love and the excitement of pestering me about my civilisation. I know you remained patient with me Commander whilst I acclimatised to the new bearings of this cycle the shock of seeing such young species of my time being the dominate races of this cycle would be something akin to the Hanar or the Volus being dominate for you. Hah now you understand Commander! But I never thanked you for the time you spent with me...giving me some respite from inquisitive Asari. I was able to see the benefit of so many individual styles of fighting all willing to give the best of themselves for your cause, something that was lost on my people.

Commander my plan after this war, now that I have had the luxury, have changed from rejoining the ghosts of my ancestors to perhaps overseeing how the reconstruction of this galaxy is carried out. And...to perhaps aid Liara in understanding my people should she wish to carry on. Don't look at me like that Commander; I blame you for inciting friendship between your crew and me. Although do not expect me to stop calling them primitives when they call me in their inebriated states. I will especially watch out for the Quarian on this matter.

But Commander as I sit here with the crew the sense of emptiness fills me, for all my talk of victory. I have come to realise that this hole symbolises the devastation of losing such an individual. One who I have come to call my Commander, my courage to keep fighting and my Avatar of Valour.

To lose my people, my enemy and my Commander, this meaningless hole is where I lost everything.


	5. Miranda

**Losing Everything**

**Thank you to everyone who has supported this series, I hope you keep enjoying my updates and it's always great to hear from you guys. **

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**Miranda**

The light click of my heeled boots served as a slap in the face every step I take towards the place where it all ended. The place where you left us. However my footsteps are not alone, there is another who walks beside me, her boots angrily scuffing the ground as we near Joker, who looks up offering us a weak "Hey."

I dip my head acknowledging him, our eyes meet and he knows I cannot voice a reply because I had nothing. However my partner has no such troubles it seems.

"Joker, hey sorry we're late to the party," Jack half heartedly smirks. There are more footsteps and we turn as a smooth voice chides,

"If this is a party then Zero you either need to stop killing people or find yourself better parties." A purple skinned Asari approaches with measured steps.

"Is that an invitation Aria?" Jack replies, "I hear Afterlife is supposed to be a great place to forget." I tire of the conversation, was this really the time? But I study both women and see a silent message being transmitted not only between them but to those who are occupying this space.

"I might change the name; it almost undoes the things you'd rather forget but yes it is an invitation to any of you who need a break from reality." With that the Queen of Omega descends into the steep pit, surprisingly to sit near Liara. A sigh from Joker jolts me from my thoughts,

"Are you ladies gonna grab a seat? Because it looks like this party got a lot more interesting." Joker was right with the addition of Aria that made six, not like we are going to be stuck for room but there is a sense of need to be physically close to those we had shared such a recent war with. After all not all of us could be present in Shepard's last stand, we all had our own part to play elsewhere, trying to give her the time she needed.

"Come on Jack, it's time we had a seat." I state but not moving as I wait for her to protest. But she doesn't, she catches my eye and nods. We slide down and head to the right flank of Tali and Garrus. I watch the cracks in the rock split and multiply faster and faster as we near the core of the pit, indicating this was where the beam was and where you had disappeared.

The ground is warm under the glare of the sun and I settle down, Jack does too but somewhere behind me still near the curve of the crater so she can lean against the rubble.

Hey Commander. I scoff, who starts off a personal message to a dear friend who has just died with hey? I sigh; this is the first time I'm allowing myself to really let reality hit me and its throwing some good punches.

Commander, you've got a nice set up here, a few close friends all talking about previous missions, taking a brief moment to themselves in the midst of friends. Almost reminds me when we were back at your apartment on the Citadel...the Citadel, it has to be one of the most twisted conclusions this war has confronted us with. Offering all those refugees somewhere to go, offering me some sanctuary when on the run and worst of all, somewhere where you could take a time out from this war and allow yourself a bit of normality. But even that was stolen from you I heard...a clone. Cerberus bastards always believing you were the best but keeping a back up in the shadows as a guarantee. Shepard, perhaps you should've kept the clone and let it give up its life to destroy the Reapers. Anything...anything to give you a moment to be normal.

I know that's wishful thinking that you'd even consider that but Shepard you were my friend and one I wanted to spend more time with as people. Not as top agents trained in the art of killing, negotiating and leading. I just wanted a chance as Miranda and...Shepard. I won't use your first name because you didn't give me permission to use it when...when you were here so I won't use it now. I think others may be jealous that I was the one who was in charge of resurrecting you...I still remember the pleading look on Liara's face when she recovered you from the crash of the original _Normandy_. One of total desperation that only a lover could bear.

Shepard I know we already cleared the air about me wanting to implant you with a control chip but I don't think I'll ever be able to get over it, looking at everything you've accomplished that could've all changed if I did. And that's something that scares me...

"Miranda, I lost two years of my life, but you've given me the rest of it." I scratch my collarbone and bow my head.

"Shepard," A sob escapes me, "I didn't give you your life back," One choked sob follows another; if I had done my job properly you'd have gotten more than another two years damn it! I was so grateful to Cerberus for giving me Ori's protection that I barely realised they were doing nothing to protect the greatest person the galaxy could ever hope for! It makes me sick to recall all those times I defended them and hurt you. But you did more for me than anyone else, you helped save my sister and you saved me back in the Collectors base when it would've been so easy for you to let me fall.

But that was just you all over, the hero saving everyone not caring what happened to them so really the ending to this war should be perfect for you; you saved everyone, destroyed the Reapers and you can finally rest. I let out a shuddering breath, in an attempt to calm the sobs racking my body. But no it isn't perfect or maybe I'm just selfish but it could only be perfect if you were here, smiling and asking us what the fuss was all about.

Commander, I used to think the Illusive Man was the best person I had met because he saw my potential, gave me resources and challenged me to keep growing but after constructing you, meeting you in the flesh and fighting with you. I realised how wrong I was. Sure the Illusive Man helped me be the XO on the Collector's Mission but you Commander you helped me realise the strength I had in myself, not as a tool to be used but as a person who could make a difference without sacrificing friendship and trust. Though that wasn't always easy, the constant scraps with Jack served to prove how out of touch I was but I am glad to report that has all changed but I guess you already knew that from your comment back on the Citadel. All the sexual tension between two powerful biotics? Haha it made us uncomfortable alright but after making the effort to keep in touch and occasionally challenging each other at a few bars. Jack and I? Yes we're definitely good...thanks to you.

But it seems wrong to be able to enjoy the warmth of another when I can see how cold Liara is sitting a couple of metres away from me. The critical glint of the Shadow Broker eyes had vanished and all that is there is an empty shell. My heart aches Shepard, I only have to worry about overcoming your death once but Liara, Joker, Tali and Garrus they're doing it all over again. The same wound stabbed by the same blade. It will take a long time for any one of us to accept reality but I will endeavour to see that your work, your legacy of a united galaxy remains Shepard. If, if we all broke apart now it would only insult everything you have done for us and I cannot stand for that.

I know you would not want us to mourn for you Shepard but let me indulge myself today okay? It has to be done, the greatest legend this galaxy will ever know deserves the time to be remembered, missed and grieved for. Do you remember that ugly Saren statue you took on Kisumi's loyalty mission? Well I want one of you built here, in the centre of this crater but of course I'll oversee the design and it will be anything but ugly! But I want something physical of you here, to remind me that you aren't just a ghost and to remind everyone that this is where the galaxy was saved.

Shepard...wherever you are I just want you to know I'm glad you can rest now without demons haunting you or people trying to kill you. But, I also want you to know this is the impression you left on me. This massive hole is the signature of my dearest friend, the person I trusted completely and my saviour.

This is where I lost everything.

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**I know some of you might not agree with how emotional Miranda is here but I think because she was one of the slowest to trust Commander Shepard, it only allowed for a better foundation for her loyalty. But if you think otherwise let me know in a review. – Dark Shadows 01**


	6. Jack

**Losing Everything**

**A big thank you to everyone who has reviewed it always makes me happy knowing you guys are enjoying my work! Also I hope you're enjoying this last minute stream of updates before I go quiet for around a month due to travelling. I hope you guys can wait for me but until then keep enjoying!**

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**Jack**

I sit watching Miranda's body shake and shudder as she cries for you Shepard, she's muttering something, probably about how she isn't perfect because she couldn't save you. I want to go sit next to her, tch bet you'd never thought I'd actually want to be near her right? Well I decided the walls looked much better with Reaper smeared across them rather than Miranda. But Commander I'm pissed off with you, you're making my girl cry, why? Coz you had to go and get yourself blown to hell, hogging all the best fights to yourself! If I hadn't had to stay near my kids, who all survived by the way so thanks, you can bet your tight ass I'd have dragged you back from whatever hell was waiting for you up in the Citadel.

Sighing I close my eyes and remember back to our last message, I think you were calling before you started to push forward with Hammer. My kids were so psyched, letting loose and saving lives but when I saw you calling, I broke away from them wanting to speak to you alone. To thank you for making me "dependable", to thank you for picking me up on your suicide squad and to thank you for putting up with me...Yes I know I ain't all sunshine and rainbows! But when I saw your hologram something in me twisted so hard that my voice quivered with something I hadn't felt in a long time: fear. I kick myself for it now because that was the last thing you needed to hear from your allies, from those who were watching your six, miles south of your position, but I couldn't help but fear for your life Shepard. The fear of never having to listen to one of your speeches again, the fear of not having anyone to tear up the combat simulator with...the fear that I might let you down, was too much of a possibility.

Damn it Shepard I wanted to be more for you, to let you know that this messed up psychotic biotic had morphed into a powerhouse willing to let rip on any asshole who decided they were stupid enough to challenge you. I never needed or wanted anyone's approval because I never thought anyone's opinion but my own mattered. But Shepard yours' mattered and I desperately wanted to know if the damage we were doing all those miles away was helping you or if I should've been at your side carving you a red carpet of Reaper blood for you to walk on towards the beam.

Argh Shepard you're in my head and I wish you weren't, I don't want to remember you like this: as nothing but a fucking big hole in the middle of a decimated city. You should be remembered as the sickeningly good hero you were but hey what most people don't know is you did have your badass moments. I think my favourite was when we were hunting Thane in the Dantius Towers and you oh so politely asked a Merc where he was but of course he refused, and you pushed him out of the window!

A chuckle escapes my lips yep definitely my favourite moment with you Commander!

But damn Shepard it seems like we've been fighting for ages but only this time I didn't have you coming down to speak to me all the time asking about my ink or the heists I've pulled and hell I really miss those times...Yeah, yeah don't get all high and mighty on me now. You made a lonely girl feel welcomed big deal you welcomed everyone it's not like I was special to you or anything...Argh stop it! I can see you smiling at me like an idiot, do you want me to say it huh? Yes, I Subject Zero aka Jack wanted the Great Commander Shepard to look at me in some way that wasn't concerned with battlefield tactics. Geez Shepard I take that back you're just as annoying dead!

I'm laughing now or was I crying? I'm not really sure Shepard and it's your fault. Your fault for making me a part of your crew, your fault for making me feel something than utter emptiness and hate and it's your fault that you're dead. Why didn't you listen to me when I told you to go pirate? You wouldn't have ended up like this, dealing with the galaxy's worst politicians and being brushed under the carpet like you were nothing...nothing! If they don't make a fucking huge statue of you on every planet you can sure as hell bet that they'll be getting their doors kicked down! Shepard don't laugh okay? I tattooed your name on Tali and I even considered getting an N7 tattoo because I approved of her admiration of you. I hope you realise how fucking important you were to all of us but no you had to go make sure we were all okay and that only you suffered.

I feel my biotics flaring around my hands, the loose rubble shakes but I sigh heavily and they settle down again. Shepard you're messing with my head in a way that I have no idea how to deal with! I mean I'm talking to a hole, a big fucking hole because you did not think it was important to leave us something behind. You just left. And I can't deal. You were my first source of warmth, like placing a blanket over an abandoned varren, you were the first person I respected and you are the first Goddamn person I care about who's died.

Damn this galaxy! I hope they can see this hole from their planets because this is the worst place there is...

This is where I lost everything.


	7. Aria

**Losing Everything**

**Thank you to those who reviewed, it always makes me happy to see the email alerts from fanfiction waiting for me ****. If you have any character requests please let me know and I'll try and get a chapter for them up although the plan in my head isn't to do everyone but I might let exceptions in if people are persuasive in their reviews!**

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**Aria**

I can't believe I'm sitting on the ground, Shepard do you see this? Me, the Queen of Omega is sitting on the ground ruining my favourite pair of leather trousers just because you had to go get yourself killed like the damn hero you are, or were? Liara's here and she might as well be dead Shepard, she's breathing so slowly I'm convinced she's not breathing for minutes before taking in a deep breath. I'm not even sure why I'm here Shepard I gave you my thanks back on Omega where I knew I'd reclaim my throne. I know you probably thought otherwise but only exceptional people get to taste the lips of Aria T'Loak.

I sigh, the cracks in this damn hole doesn't make for comfortable sitting I have no idea why your crew is putting up with it for so long. I glance at Liara again, I'm not even sure why I'm sitting near the Shadow Broker after all the times I've caught her agents spying on me in the underbelly of Omega but I am. And it's not out of comfort for her Commander but really it shouldn't be for you either as I've already paid for my debt for you helping me clean out Omega of my Cerberus infestation. However I guess this visit is my thanks to you for making sure my rein over Omega wasn't permanently ended.

I like to think that I gave your resources for your war Commander, Mercs, eezo, ships and weapons but then I catch a stray thought wondering if they were really for your war or for you and if it was enough. I know I shouldn't concern myself with such pointless thoughts, there's nothing I can do now is there Commander? I shouldn't be dwelling on such things but I am. This war was the biggest inconvenience to my life since probably Patriarch. Shepard, I see your crew I see their personal attachment to you I guess that's why they are here. But is this why I'm here too?

I kept a close eye on you ever since you stepped onto Omega two years ago, a dead Spectre coming to pay me a visit – that was flattering by the way, I know I told you I was indifferent but that was because I didn't want to believe the hype. I wanted to see it. And you didn't disappoint Commander; you turned out to be very useful whether it was passing on intel, pissing off all the Merc groups and of course helping me reclaim Omega. I remember watching you drink yourself into oblivion on numerous occasions and I had to get your ass dumped on my personal sofa in Purgatory. Are you laughing at me? You better not or I'll blow you up...again Shepard you seemed to forget you had people out there trying to kill you. Or maybe you wanted someone to kill you so you didn't have to remember but I knew something as I watched you sleep. I could have helped you forget so much better (of course) than that piss Purgatory sold, the few moments you had with your crew and the sex you had with Liara. Oh come now Commander don't tell me you haven't thought about it.

I know I told you there was only one rule on Omega: Don't fuck with Aria. But there on Purgatory I wish you were drunk enough or at least not as loyal to the Shadow Broker to indulge in your fantasies Shepard maybe then you wouldn't have died because you'd know what you were missing out on. Hah I like to think I'm joking Shepard but when you've been around as long as I have, not like you have the chance to now, you know when you can't lie to yourself. Stupid Shepard you just had to leave your sickening paragon footsteps on the carpet in Afterlife.

And in my time I've seen the mistakes, the blood spilled and the wars erupt in this galaxy but in the last three years you decided to take your heroic antics to a new level, you've changed more history and accomplished more than anyone to date. And I'd be a fool not to acknowledge that you may need a fucking huge statue and a few drinks named after you. I said it was in my interest to ensure you win this war but what I failed to mention was that you too were my interest so perhaps on hindsight (the bitch) I should've done more to help you.

It was clear to anyone who knew you that things always exploded around you and if anyone cared to noticed that things I cared about died: enemies, associates...lovers. I didn't have time to mourn Nyreen but I was proud to see her die with no fears and doing the thing she cared about most: helping others. Even though clearly it got her nowhere, just like you have but the difference Shepard is that you had fears. Don't be surprised anyone with half a brain, which is more than your crew had...well most of them, I saw your fears Shepard. Ones that didn't paralyse you like Nyreen but made you stronger more determined to save those around you. And like the idiot you are you did just that.

I hope you are happy Shepard because I'm sitting here ruining my favourite pair of trousers, re-evaluating my life and having to deal with a loss of a fantasy because you wanted to become a fucking legend.

Shepard you had a habit of ruining my fun and it's because of you this abomination of a seat is where I lost everything.

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**I really like the idea of a Shepard/Aria fling because I think the game leaves enough hints throughout. However I had a lot of difficulty getting into Aria's character so please let me know how I did – good or bad it all helps. **


	8. Wrex

**Losing Everything**

**Hey everyone I'm back! I'm so sorry for taking forever but like I mentioned I've just moved to a new country! But enough excuses and more angst right? Haha big thank you to you lovely people who are reading and dropping me reviews, hope you're all still there after this chapter!**

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**Wrex**

Damn Shepard, this smoking crater, pungent in death and destruction, kind of reminds me of Tuchunka! Haha this shouldn't be a surprise though, I knew you had the most fun when you were out there surpassing Krogan traditions and making the rest of us look bad. I place a claw on Grunt's shoulder, he's been quiet ever since the Reapers dropped dead Shepard. Krogan's don't do quiet and the kid was only just getting to see what kind of Battle Master you really were...but that's for him to shout at you for, I got my own bullets to fire at you.

I slide down into the crater finding a large space behind Liara, I'm impressed you even got the infamous Aria to sit on the ground Shepard hah! You should see the look on her face it's like she hates you for dying! But this is the difference between true warriors and the squishy coloured bags of blood and skin you recruited: your death, no your ascension is more that what I could ever have hoped for in my own death Shepard. Saviour of the galaxy, the first human Spectre, coming back from the dead just to kill off powerful Thresher Maws...heh I'm starting to think you're just showing off now Shepard! Now thanks to you I'm probably just going to die of old age or maybe Bakara will kill me before then...I hope.

Shepard, I know I told you on Tuchunka that you were a Champion to the Krogan people and...and a sister to me, but I want to you know I really meant it. It seems stupid to be saying it again but I think you might have missed this old Krogran's words because we were having too much fun killing Reapers and Rachni. To have been there to shoot Saren in the face with my shotgun and to do the same again with that damn clone of yours, you have made this Krogran's life full of stories, ready to inspire thousands of younglings that the best fighter in the galaxy was this squishy, red haired female human who had a problem with authority figures heh.

I see Garrus look at me, we nod and return to looking at the mess you've left behind...it's good to see old habits die hard. This hole, it's yours and there's nothing that's going to take that away and I'm glad you made it big enough to see from Tuchunka, I didn't want to come visit too much. Some people might get the wrong idea and think I'm going soft for the battle crazy, guns blazing and the worst damn MAKO driver in the galaxy but nope not me...

Why should I be going soft for the female human who scoured planets to find my ancestral armour, or could out drink me or could rack up a kill count into numbers so long I had to head butt another Krogan to stop the dizziness. I sigh, damn it Shepard you stupid female, why couldn't you have let the Krogran take care of this, like everyone else in every other war! But I know the answer to this Shepard, a reluctant grumble escapes me, you weren't like everyone else. You were the only one to see the true potential of the Krogran as a people not as a weapon. I still regret confronting you back on Virmire when we thought we had discovered the cure. I thought you were just like the rest of your species, only using me as muscle, to get your goals completed. Hah I wish I could go back to then and shoot myself for being so stupid.

As my Battle Master I had no right under my oath to question you but over these long years Shepard you became more than my Battle Master, more than someone I had to follow, but someone I wanted to follow. Someone who I could call my friend and someone who turned into family in the worst of situations. And Shepard for fear of you haunting the hump on my back I will look after your family because you have finally made this old warmonger realise the true meaning of family after all these years. You already know Grunt is a part of Urdnot but know it in your soul Liara, Tali and even old bird face Garrus will have a place among my people because we can always use more story tellers about how The Shepard gathered her flock. Haha I should get Tali drunk again for when the younglings are good!

Argh too many words! Shepard you know Krograns don't do talking! I don't know how to tell you goodbye or that I hate you for dying so soon before meeting my family. You left me a hole that looks like my planet but I can't exactly go kill a Maw in your honour...hmm that sounds fun but not the point Shepard! I'm going to do the only thing I know how to.

I stand up from the ground, taking a deep stance, I bow my head summoning the power within myself, all three sets of organs:

"SHEEEEEEPPPPPAAAAAARRRRRDDDDDD!" I roar scaring the other occupants of this ruin. Shepard you better have heard that because this is the only way for this old Krogran to let you know that he has lost his Battle Master, his friend and sister.

I sit down again, ignoring the looks from the others because Shepard this is where I lost everything.

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**I'm really sorry everyone I found Wrex really hard to write actually! Please leave me some comments to let me know how I did so I can improve for the Grunt chapter. I promise to be quicker this time! - Dark Shadows 01 **


	9. Grunt

**Losing Everything**

**Disclaimer: Own nothing as stipulated at the start of this fic.**

**Thanks for the reviews and new followers, they give me some hope this fic is half decent haha! Em to answer those who have been asking when Liara's chapter will be posted, I intend to finish with hers. The next line up, after this one will be, Ashley, Joker and then Liara. As I feel there are so many who'd want to say their goodbyes but I just want to focus on the main characters. Anyway onwards!**

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**Grunt**

"SHEEEEEPPPAAAAARRDDDD!" I watch as Urdnot Wrex roars into the sky, heh the Krogan is old but he still knows how to get your attention. I am standing near the brittle pilot, he is mumbling and shaking. Pathetic, Shepard you really let someone like that fly the _Normandy_?

I shake my head, I shouldn't be here Shepard, too many people crying. We should be out cheering at our victory! Haha Shepard I remember pinning you against the wall, demanding to be a part of great battles. But you did one better, you made the Krogan be a part of the greatest war this galaxy has seen! I don't want to brag but we only won because I was here heh. A sob leaves Joker and I sigh, I shouldn't be here Shepard, why did you make me come? You know I ain't the blubbering type like you squishy humans are.

Grumbling, I slide down the crater to sit near Urdnot Wrex. This feels wrong Shepard, like a bad wound. You shouldn't be mourned! We should be recounting all of your victories and remembering you as you were not as nothing but a stupid hole! Shepard, Shepard do you remember our fight against the Collectors? Haha of course you do! Who could forget all the back stabbing that spiny Illusive Man did. It made things fun and I got to kill lots of Collectors! Then, then you took me to Tuchunka because my blood demanded that I kill but I did not know why. You gave me purpose that day Shepard, my blood boiled with the need to kill but seeing you take down the Thresher Maw. My blood boiled not just with the need to kill but the need to kill for you.

That day I became a Krogan and that day I understood what following a true Battle Master meant.

But Shepard just because you were my Battle Master doesn't mean I liked all of your decisions. I mean when I heard you decided to stop the Reapers first attempt on your own. I had to fight my own blood rage, you didn't think I was good enough to fight by your side? I heard the mission had to be quiet but really Shepard you crashed an asteroid into a Mass Relay. I know Krogan aren't known for being light footed but hell I could've been quieter than that! Haha are you getting pissed with me? Good! Maybe then you'd realise as your Kraant, by you denying me the chance to fight by your side was one of the biggest insults to me. But I told Wrex and the old Krogan head butted me for being stupid. He told me never to doubt your decisions. You had your reasons and blah blah but Shepard you might have had your reasons but I always had ammo so remember that next time!

But I guess I showed you how much ammo I really had when we met up to kill some Rachni! Heheheh now that was a good fight! Against the old enemy. But I guess I scared you back in that cave. When you ran to the shuttle I bet you thought that was the last time you'd see me. And you know what Shepard that's how I felt when I heard about your solo missions, or any mission I wasn't a part of. As your Kraant I'm supposed to follow you...so you know you don't steal all the fun.

Urgh I've been near you squishy things for too long. I'm complaining. Bullets are the way to resolve this but Shepard you just had to go wipe out everything that was worth killing. Hah scared I was catching up to your kill count were you?

Heh I'm getting some weird looks from the other members of your Kraant Shepard. I guess I shouldn't be grinning widely at this kind of place. But Shepard I already told you thanks for letting me out of that pod. But sitting here now at the end of the war I'm glad you didn't space me and I could get to face such worthy enemies! I am still learning about how to be a true Krogan but Wrex assures me whenever we get back to our rock. We will be singing about you for generations. Personally I want someone to make a combat simulator where I can challenge you! Haha I know it wouldn't be the same but still I've always wondered who would win between us. Are you laughing at me? Haha yeah I guess it might be a stupid question considering you just killed a species that was harvesting the galaxy for more than 50,000 years. But it wouldn't be Krogan of me not to consider it haha.

Hmm Shepard I'm going to say something that I'm only going to say once because it ain't healthy for Krogan to think like this. No one will ever really see me as having a real life because of being tank bred, but then again it was exactly that, that you liked about me. I heard that Cerberus woman was also tank bred and I guess I really fit into your Kraant because face it. We're all freaks haha! Krogans, even with new chance, it will take time for others to see on their own that I am a Krogan, without having to shove my shotgun in their face. Even though I pinned you to the wall, your rules were simple. Follow you and I'd become one of yours. Nothing in the tank told me that Human females could be so forceful but after learning more about you from other Kraant members and Wrex. I could only find respect for you. You fought harder and longer than any other Krogans Okeer thought were the best examples of what a true Krogan is.

But fighting with you, watching you, killing for you the answer of what it meant to be a Krogan became even more confusing. You were everything Okeer had told me about what a Krogan should be but you were this squishy Human. No natural armour, no secondary or even tertiary organs. How could this being that could be killed so easily be so...so Krogan! But the more I watched and saw your love for big guns and even bigger explosions, Shepard you'd make any Krogan want to kill to be a part of your Kraant but here I was just picked up like a parcel on your adventures.

And that makes me grateful that I was a tank bred, otherwise I might have ended up on the other side of your assault rifle. Argh Shepard, your death, your final battle is legendary. But as your Kraant I cannot view your death in a positive light like I would if you were Krogan. Because you weren't just Krogan, you were my Battle Master, the person my blood ached to kill for and you were the reason I can be proud to call myself Urdnot.

Shepard, this stupid hole, is where I lost everything.

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**Ok so two Krogan chapters back to back. How was it? Good, bad or just really ugly? I really like the Krogan as a species but I think they've been the hardest to write so your reviews mean so much to mee! - Dark Shadows 01**


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